#6 Self-love
As it is Valentine’s day this week I think self-love is a fitting subject for my wellbeing blog. (As an aside - I know some people think this Valentine’s day is commercial hogwash because we should be expressing our love every day – but do we really do that? I don’t think there is ever anything wrong with an excuse for romance).
Self-love is about being able to take care of your own needs and not sacrificing your well-being to please others. If you embrace your flaws instead of continually criticising yourself, you don’t have to rely on others for approval and you feel much more secure with who you are.
This is something that a lot of people struggle with and for me is very much still work in progress. It can be difficult to love ourselves when thoughts of self-doubt keep creeping in. I know that I have spent far too much time worrying what other people think - am I good enough, smart enough, thin enough, attractive enough, or worrying that I am too loud, too over-bearing, too sensitive…the list goes on.
As I continue to work on managing my thoughts and understanding how they affect me, I am definitely learning that I am ok just the way I am. I hope that by sharing what is working for me, I can inspire others to do the same.
Here are some of the things that I tell my inner self-critic when I notice it trying to get my attention:
Don’t compare yourself to anyone else – just be happy being you
Be grateful that we are all unique – wouldn’t it be boring if everyone was the same?
Remember that our quirks and vulnerabilities are what make us human
Focus on your strengths and abilities and not on the things you can’t change
Be confident in yourself and don’t judge yourself solely on the comments of others
Know that some people will like you and some people won’t and there is very little you can do about that
In the wise words of Rupaul (who I admit I am slightly obsessed with) ‘If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell are you going to love somebody else?’.
We should all just try to be the best version of ourselves, whatever that is.
The poem below is attributed to Charlie Chaplin and sums up self-love beautifully:
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As I began to love myself I found that anguish and emotional suffering are only warning signs that I was living against my own truth. Today, I know, this is “AUTHENTICITY”.
As I began to love myself I understood how much it can offend somebody if I try to force my desires on this person, even though I knew the time was not right and the person was not ready for it, and even though this person was me. Today I call it “RESPECT”.
As I began to love myself I stopped craving for a different life, and I could see that everything that surrounded me was inviting me to grow. Today I call it “MATURITY”.
As I began to love myself I understood that at any circumstance, I am in the right place at the right time, and everything happens at the exactly right moment. So I could be calm. Today I call it “SELF-CONFIDENCE”.
As I began to love myself I quit stealing my own time, and I stopped designing huge projects for the future. Today, I only do what brings me joy and happiness, things I love to do and that make my heart cheer, and I do them in my own way and in my own rhythm. Today I call it “SIMPLICITY”.
As I began to love myself I freed myself of anything that is no good for my health – food, people, things, situations, and everything that drew me down and away from myself. At first I called this attitude a healthy egoism. Today I know it is “LOVE OF ONESELF”.
As I began to love myself I quit trying to always be right, and ever since I was wrong less of the time. Today I discovered that is “MODESTY”.
As I began to love myself I refused to go on living in the past and worrying about the future. Now, I only live for the moment, where everything is happening. Today I live each day, day by day, and I call it “FULFILLMENT”.
As I began to love myself I recognized that my mind can disturb me and it can make me sick. But as I connected it to my heart, my mind became a valuable ally. Today I call this connection “WISDOM OF THE HEART”.
We no longer need to fear arguments, confrontations or any kind of problems with ourselves or others. Even stars collide, and out of their crashing new worlds are born. Today I know “THAT IS LIFE”!”
